


'x' marks the spot, where we fell apart.

by AnxiousCupcake



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: ( catsanova hehe ), Angst, Communication Issues, Drama, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/No Comfort (at first), I'm terrible at tagging, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, OOC Adrien Agreste in Ch1, aged-up, but it definitely gets better, emotional angst in ch2, everything is a mess at the beginning, fluff and softness in ch3, heavy angst & drama in ch1, kwamis love their chosen, lukanette fwb, no reveal, somewhat of a casanova chat noir, sorry - Freeform, very harsh words are said and people are MEAN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousCupcake/pseuds/AnxiousCupcake
Summary: Things are not okay between Chat Noir and Ladybug. They both know it and don't address it, letting things simmer until they come to a head when a reckless injury to Ladybug causes Chat Noir to lash out at her. She doesn't hold back either, and things that they don't mean are said before the truth comes out. She can only hope they can get past this, but Chat Noir is relentless and she's never seen him like this.“I’d meant it when I said I wanted you to be the first to know! I even offered to tell you after he found out, but you-”“Of course , I want to know! But only because you want me to know. Tell me, did you want to tell me, or were you just trying to overcompensate for the fact that Viperion accidentally found out?”Sufficiently cowed, Ladybug looked away, blinking away rapidly forming tears in her eyes.“Yeah, I thought so,” he said, scowl intact on his face as he looked away from her.It was too much for her to bear. God, he hated her, didn’t he? She did that. This was all her fault, and she was so tired.[ rated M - for swearing and mature themes, some suggestive content ]
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug ( Mentioned ), Past Luka Couffaine/Kagami Tsurugi ( Implied )
Comments: 54
Kudos: 110





	1. her.

**Author's Note:**

> my apologies for this. i wasn't thinking. my brain fried and this was the result. i literally did NOT think this through, so if something doesn't make sense.... pls leave me be and roll with it :P

Ladybug released a shuddering breath as Chat cleaned up her wound. It shouldn’t have been as weird as it was, but things had been tense between them for a few months now. They disagreed a lot more, and a _lot more_ aggressively than before. She suspected she was the one to blame, but then again she had always been bad at handling her own feelings.

She felt his breath on her bare back and suppressed another shudder that had nothing to do with the singing pain down her shoulder blade. It had been foolish to indulge herself in some wine - stupid _feelings_ \- not when she was a superhero. It had made her reckless.

“It’s a pretty deep wound,” he said, turning the light off on his phone, bathing them in darkness.

“Yeah.”

“You should go to the hospital.”

“I- I, uh, will.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Chat sighed and she breathed out with relief as she felt him put some distance between them. 

“Nice place you got here,” he said casually. “You live alone?”

“Thanks, just moved in last week actually,” she replied, not bothering to wear her shirt over her bra. It was too dark to see anyway. “And… No, my bestfriend lives with me. She’s gone over to her boyfriend’s tonight though.”

She paused thoughtfully before continuing. 

“And this is not my bedroom actually,” she said, clearing her throat. “I… Work here.”

“So… Your study?”

“I guess you could say that.”

Chat hummed, and she turned around to look at him over her shoulder. She could make out his silhouette against the dark taking the room in. Strange, because she knew he couldn’t see in the dark. Not that it mattered, she’d specifically kept her working space clear of _anything_ that could give her identity away for this very reason. Nothing to see there except bolts of fabric strewn across the room. They each had handmade masks over their faces anyway.

She watched as he paced around the room casually before settling again behind her, fingers grazing her would lightly. 

“You should be more careful.”

“Gotta do what I gotta do,” she shrugged. 

“No, you were reckless today.” He observed. 

Ladybug bristled, but only huffed in response. “I was just…”

“Drunk,” stated Chat bluntly. “Don’t look at me like that, I am not stupid.

Ladybug groaned into her hands and sunk into the chaise lounge she’d been resting on. “Tipsy,” she muttered.

“You’ve been acting _so weird_ lately. What is _with_ you!"

She didn’t respond, blinking at him stupidly for a few moments. What could she even say to _that_.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” _That should suffice._ Because she _didn’t_. 

“No,” he said, shaking his head at her. “We _do_ have to talk about it. I let it go because aside from being snippy and short with me, you weren’t doing much _else_ ,” he spat. “But _today_ , you could have _died_.”

He was bent over her now, eyes - green, human, _furious_ eyes - narrowed as he looked down at her. “Paris can’t afford that,” he said tightly. “And Paris deserves better than that.”

“Paris…” she repeated. 

“Yeah, _Paris_.”

She fought the urge to shrink away from him, and continued to glare at him defiantly. It made him angrier. 

“God, you’re so righteous,” he scoffed, straightening as he backed away from her. “For someone who is all about safety… why the _fuck_ did you show up _drunk,_ fine, _tipsy_ ?" - he amended mockingly - "To an akuma fight at 3 in morning on a _weekday_?”

She’d been so tired, her emotions all over the place as she struggled to make sense of her emotions that had been all over the place. It’s always a rude awakening to find the person you only recently realised you were in love with, in an alley half-naked with their lips all over a stranger. The image was burned into her brain and she would give anything to unsee _that_. To top it off, she had no time to meet her deadlines, what with Hawkmoth’s akumas breathing down their necks. And she dreaded them more than usual because god knew she didn’t need the tension that came with being in Chat’s presence nowadays. The pain, the sting behind her eyes as she fled the scene before she had to endure finding out who Chat’s latest hook up would be, her haste to leave, all of it was just so draining. 

It didn’t help that you still couldn’t quite get over your teenage crush, who would apparently rather date models his father forced him to rather than her; always stuck in the friendzone, because she was just not good enough for him that way, no matter what she did.

Always latching on to guys she couldn’t have.

Never enough for anyone.

And usually, on days like that, she’d call Luka to wind down a little bit but he was unavailable. 

So wine was her only friend.

“I was having a bad day,” she muttered. 

“Oh, little Miss Superhero Ladybug was having a wee bit of a bad day so she had some wine, because fuck her partner, and fuck this city she’s sworn to protect, right?” Chat scowled. “We _all_ have lives outside. Lives that aren't always so great Ladybug. But we also have a responsibility.”

“I know-”

“ _Do you_?” he snapped, and she couldn’t help but feel a surge of indignant defensiveness course through her.

_Stupid fucking feelings._

_Stupid fucking Chat._

_Stupid fucking wine._

“Why are you even still here?” she asked instead, her voice wobbly as she latched onto the tiny bit of anger in her just so she wouldn’t burst into tears in front of him. She crossed her arms against her chest protectively, only vaguely conscious that she was still in her bra. “And you’re one to talk about responsibility, don’t you have some girl waiting to be fucked behind a chimney somewhere?”

He looked perplexed for a few seconds before he let out a hollow laugh.

“ _That’s_ what you were being so uptight about over the last few months?” 

He ran a hand through his mussed up hair in frustration, before looking at her with cold disbelief. She hated it so much. 

“You know, you’re unbelievable. You’re up there on your moral fucking high horse like you’re above everyone else! All that shit about “working together” as a “team”, and I go and do _one_ thing that you mildly disapprove of, and you ice me out _completely_ like I fucking killed someone-”

Desperation clawed it’s way down her throat, as she struggled for words. She hated that he was right, she hated that she was on the receiving end of his (very deserving) ire - it always made her heart heavy anyway - even though she knew she fully deserved it. But ego was a terrible thing. 

“Actually it was more about you using your superhero identity to get some pussy. Shockingly low, especially for you,” she let out through gritted teeth, refusing to look at his face. 

He froze, and she heard him huff out a controlled breath. 

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite,” Chat said, his voice deathly quiet. “I saw you. And _Viperion_ ,” he spat. “In an alley the other day.”

She shrank away from him. “That’s different… We… We have an arrangement. His girlfriend moved back to Japan, and I… Well, I-It… It doesn’t mean anything. To _either_ of us.”

“Funny coincidence, really,” he said, and she could hear the sneer in his voice though he’d tried to keep his tone casual. “Your insistence on “professional behaviour” as you called it, and you broke _two_ of your own rules for him. Is he _that_ much of a wonderful person behind the mask?”

“We _know_ each other in our civilian lives! And... He came looking- And- I- I didn’t _mean_ for him to find out!” she retorted, standing up so she could glare at him. “I’d meant it when I said I wanted you to be the first to know! I even _offered_ to tell you after he found out, but you-”

“Of _course_ , I want to know! But only because you _want_ me to know. Tell me, did you _want_ to tell me, or were you just trying to overcompensate for the fact that Viperion accidentally found out?”

Sufficiently cowed, Ladybug looked away, blinking away rapidly forming tears in her eyes. 

“Yeah, I thought so,” he said, scowl intact on his face as he looked away from her.

It was too much for her to bear. God, he hated her, didn’t he? _She_ did that. This was all her fault, and she was so tired. The last few months had been so much, and she’d give _anything_ to change it all back so she could tell her past self to get her shit together. Even if it was to pretend everything was fine. She sniffled softly.

“Although, I must say, how very _generous_ of you, m’lady.” He laughed, a hollow sounding echo across her work room, shaking his head as he did so. The look on his face was positively malicious - she’d never seen him this intent on really hurting her - as he backed her into the wall, and looked down at her with a sneer. “Tell me, m’lady, what if it had been _me_ , hm? Me who found out accidentally, who you were. Would you have considered having that little “arrangement” of yours, if _I’d_ been nursing a broken heart too?”

“What, _no_!”

“What’s so different about us, we’re both pretty good looking guys, if I say so myself. Both in magical spandex suits. And fangs,” he added, touching one peeking out. “Maybe it’s the hair? Blonds are a no, is it?”

She felt his breath fan across her face. A part of her wanted to laugh because the truth was the exact opposite, wasn't it? Blonds were _definitely_ not a 'no'. She could feel the bitter smirk on his lips, and hear the challenging sneer behind his voice. And she couldn’t stand the hostility radiating off of him. This was…. _Them_ . It was supposed to be against the _world,_ not against _each other_ . Not like this. She couldn’t believe he thought of her like that, but that wasn’t fair, because hadn’t she accused him of the same thing? But god, the _hate._ She couldn’t stand it, not from him.

Because it was _Chat Noir,_ a pun-cracking dork who wore his heart on his sleeve. She hated knowing how it was her fault that there was no warmth in his eyes as he took her to task. She hated everything about the fact that she couldn’t _say_ anything, because a lie and he would find her out in the blink of an eye and it wouldn’t fix anything and the truth would only make things worse. 

And she was so tired. So, so tired.

“The difference," she sniffled, voice cracking. "Is that I’m in love with only _one_ of you, you fucking idiot. And it’s not _him_.”

She finally looked up at him, but he looked… Shocked. And his eyes had at least softened from angry hatred to confusion.

The heels of her hand came up to press into her eyes as she tried to keep the damn tears in her _eyes_ where _they belonged_. She’d embarrassed herself enough. The silence in the air was thick, and Marinette had had it. Inhaling deeply, she wiped the tears out of eyes and looked at Chat Noir to see that his face had crumpled into troubled indecision. Swallowing thickly, she stepped out from under his hand. 

“Well, that’s enough of making a fool of myself for today,” she said, a watery chuckle escaping her. “I know you hate me right now, so please don’t stay on my account. The window is right there and.. I… I know you have somewhere… _else_ to be. So. Go on now, kitty cat. You can show yourself out.”

Heart heavy as panic iced her veins, she patted his arm awkwardly and turned away. Inhaling deeply, she shook her head. 

“Patrol tomorrow night’s cancelled, Chat,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “For, um, personal reasons.”

She felt a cool swish against her arm, followed by a flash of green light before a sharp movement sliced through the air. He was gone. Drawing in a shuddering breath as she felt the cool chill of the wind against her back, she realised that the window needed to be closed. 

She turned on her heel, letting out a startled squeak to find Chat’s glowing eyes in the dark, hand extended to form a fist right where the tip of her nose was. She stared at his wrist to see a soft shimmer of purple showing between his fingers, before he muttered ‘Cataclysm’ under his breath and it disintegrated.

Horror filled her as realisation dawned on her, her eyes shooting up to Chat’s, who looked stricken.

 _Akuma_.

“I am not leaving you like this,” he muttered, opening his hand and she knew he was watching the ashes of the akuma slip through his fingers and on to the floor. 

“I’ll be fine, Chat Noir,” she sighed, rubbing a hand over her forearm, drawing his attention to the movement.

It was unnerving, especially now that he could see in the dark and possibly track every single of her nervous movements. To her irritation, he could also probably see the tear tracks. He said nothing though. He only leaned back a little to close the windows, eyes never leaving hers. 

“ _Chat_! I promise I’ll be fine,” she insisted, exhaustion finally seeping through the cracks of her facade. “This is not even the first time, Tikki will be with me. Right, Tikki?”

Tikki finally made her presence known as she flitted in out from a nearby bookcase, her eyes worried and looking a little unsure. “I don’t know, Ladybug,” she said unsurely. “Maybe it’s best if Chat Noir stays the night, just to be safe.”

Marinette pursed her lips and crossed her arms underneath her chest. “Fine. Sorry about keeping you from your appointment, Chat Noir. For Paris, because _Paris_ can’t afford for me to feel like shit,” she said, muttering bitterly. 

Chat bristled. “There isn’t- _Ugh._ ” He trailed away and didn’t say anything after, choosing to remain quiet.

“You can call your transformation off. I’m sure Plagg needs some cheese after your cataclysm,” she said. 

She shuffled around the kitchen, only illuminated by the light of the refrigerator, gathering any and all edible food. The croissants; she knew Chat liked those. A part of her wanted to let them be in the fridge. But the other part, that wanted him to stop hating her, the part that loved him so much and loved to see him smile, had her reaching out to put it on the tray. She made a note to go home early next morning to restock in preparation for Adrien’s arrival the next noon along with Nino to help the girls unpack.

_Adrien._

She sighed and shaking her head, went back to her studio-room with a tray laden with food and some cheeses, then headed out again to return with some bedding and a pair of clothes that she handed to him.

“Pajamas,” she said. “They’re my friend’s for when he comes over. But you’re both the same build, so it should fit.”

“Pretty sure Viperion is taller than me,” he muttered; apparently he was still annoyed.

“Shut up,” she said sharply. “And they’re _not_ his.”

Without responding, Chat changed out of his clothes to pajamas. They fit him shockingly well. “You sure they’re not tailored for me, Ladybug?”

“No. As I said, you and my friend have a pretty similar build.”

“ _Some_ friend that you have a pair of clothes for him at your house.”

She huffed irritatedly, and started to say something but trailed away with a soft sigh. “I’m going to bed. I’m too tired for this.”

“Hey, no, I’m _not_ letting you out of my sight tonight!” he replied sharply, holding her back with his fingers curled around her upper arm. She suppressed a shudder at the feeling of cold leather against her bare skin.

“ _Fine,_ ” she huffed. “Follow me out of here, figure me out, see if I care!”

She started to walk out, but he pulled her back into the darkness of her studio. “No,” he said firmly. “You’re not in the right state of mind to be making decisions like that.”

“Yeah? And whose fault is that!” she snapped.

He flinched and deflated, letting her go as if burned. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean that, this is _entirely_ my fault,” she sighed, rubbing her temples with both hands. “It’s been a long day. I’m overly emotional, and my head hurts, and I’m just so angry and sad at the same time.” 

He started to speak but she cut him off to continue to speak. “I’ll respect that you don’t want to know who I am. I’m gonna sleep in the chaise lounge in this room. I occasionally crash there anyway on a long night. We’ll talk tomorrow morning, okay?”

“Ladybug-”

She continued on as if he said nothing. “And I know you might be hungry, so…” She cut him, thrusting the food laden tray at him. “Help yourself.”

She shuffled off towards where she knew her lounge was, occasionally tripping on some fabric, before she finally sat down. She breathed in deeply, feeling her body start to relax. She felt Tikki’s comforting presence curled at the crook of her neck, and wrapping a blanket around herself, sank into the lounge, thankful for the sleep that claimed her immediately. Tomorrow, they would talk. She was scared, but she carried enough secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send asks or questions about this fic, or anything mlb and i'll be happy to discuss! :D - [activechataclysme.](https://activechataclysme.tumblr.com/)


	2. him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before u go in, remember that i did nOT think this through. so any plot mistakes in terms of redundancy or continuity, pls roll with it, i'm sensitive soul ;-;

Adrien crossed his arms against his chest, tighter, letting his hand run through over the fabric of the pajamas she had lent him. Cotton, his favourite material for nightwear, and well-worn enough that they felt as comfortable as his own clothes. He could tell that it was freshly laundered, and reminded him of his sleepovers at Marinette's as he helped her with her assignments in the capacity of a model, or stayed over just for fun in the capacity of a friend. He hadn't seen her in a week, and he was due to show up to her new place that weekend. He was not particularly looking forward to _that_ because Luka would be there, and the last time they'd crossed paths had been awkward at best. But he had promised, and he supposed he could seek comfort in the company of Nino, Alya and Chloe. 

Sighing, he dropped himself by the window seat in Ladybug's room, and as opposed to the way he usually looked out into the night, he watched Ladybug. Or whoever the girl in the spots was. Her breathing had evened out instantly and she’d fallen asleep. Despite it, he couldn’t relax. He couldn’t get the sight of the butterfly fluttering through the window and straight towards her, out of his head.

She’d almost been _akumatized._ Right _in front_ of him. ( _Because_ of him, a nasty voice in his head added. )

He couldn't even begin to imagine how he could have fought her, or if that could even have been a fight that they could have won. With Ladybug down for the count, not even all the superheroes would've been able to win, not without causing some serious damage. Based on what she had told him, miraculous wielders who had been akumatized had their powers multiply exponentially.

A shudder ran through his body, as he watched her, and he willed himself to forget the fear that had siezed him when he'd seen the butterfly.

“That was uncalled for,” Plagg said slowly, breaking the silence at last.

Adrien shot him an indignant look.

“How was I supposed to know she-”

“You _know_ that’s not what I’m talking about,” chided Plagg sternly. “You did not have to rile her up like that.”

“No,” he agreed. “I was just angry."

Plagg flew up to his, patting his cheek in a rare show of comfort. “I know, kitten. And I'm not saying you don't have a right to be but..." His glowing green gaze flickered over to Ladybug’s sleeping form. “You’ve been on edge ever since you found out Viperion knows.”

“I… Didn’t know how to respond to that. I'm still not sure what a good response would have been. _Ideally,_ just laugh it off and call it a day, but...” he muttered. “ _Five years_ of hiding our identities and she expected me to just believe that Viperion was looking for her when she de-transformed?"

Plagg frowned. “You don’t believe her?"

Adrien fell silent, trying to sort through the emotions he was feeling… Feelings he _had_ been feeling since she’d told him. Disappointment, bitterness, resentment. At the way she had been apologizing frantically, at the way she’d said she would drop the transformation for him if he asked, and the way he’d had to force out a ‘no’ because she was clearly terrified, and he was angry, though he knew he shouldn’t be. It wasn’t her fault, not really.

“No, I believe her,” he said. “She wouldn’t lie. It just… It’s irrational, but I wish she _wanted_ to tell me.”

“She didn’t want to tell Viperion either, though.”

Adrien snorted in derision. “Well, that doesn’t matter anymore, does it? They’re clearly _okay_ , if she’s _fucking_ him.”

"So you _are_ upset about that?" asked Plagg slyly, clearly a jibe at how Adrien had dismissed the whole thing stiffly back then, as if it didn't matter.

Adrien scowled. "I am _now_! She didn't have to be such a bitch about what I did when she was doing the same thing too!" 

Plagg yawned, shaking his head. "Really, Adrien? A bitch? May I remind you that you were _both_ being absolute morons in that conversation."

"At least I-"

"No, not " _at least_ " involved here, kitten!" chided Plagg. "You were both being awful to each other about the exact same things! Neither of you have a standing here!" 

Adrien looked away, unable to deny that. He knew he was being a hypocrite. He wasn’t being _fair -_ at least on _that_ account - he _knew_ that.

The first time it’d had happened, was the day he’d put two and two together about the relationship Marinette and Luka were hiding; she thought she was being sly about it, but he knew. He had seen the hickeys on her shoulders, the wary looks Luka had shot him when he'd been helping Marinette pack the last week. The tense look the two had exchanged when Luka had left, leaving Adrien along with Marinette. And this, a couple of months after he'd found out Marinette used to be in love with him. Every single time he had been in denial about his feelings for her had flown out the window the second he'd found out, and he couldn't stop his attempts to seek out her company. They were close as is, but the newfound knowledge had him play up his attempts at flirtation, if only to see her blush. And the day he'd found out about her and Luka, was a week after Ladybug had told him about Viperion.

To top it off, his father had pulled another ‘date-this-model-to-promote-my-new-campaign’ on him. He had been hurt, and frustrated at how all good things were always slipping through his fingers, and he was so tired of not being in control of his own life and situations. 

It had started off, on that day, with making out with an overly handsy girl in an alley after an akuma battle. And then with another, and another. Then some girl had tugged the zipper down, and well, he didn’t stop her. It was supposed to be a means to cool off, means he didn’t have as _Adrien Agreste_. 

He hadn’t ever thought Ladybug would find him like that; she had avoided him for a week after, and he’d thought she was just embarrassed. How was he to know that the slight dip in her mouth, and the misty gleam in her eyes as she had let out a shocked squeak before she fled from the alley, had been from heartbreak?

He watched as she clutched the blanket around herself to her body tighter, before turning in her sleep so she was facing him now. She looked smaller than he’d ever seen her. 

Her face was swathed in moonlight, her facial muscles completely slack with the lack tension, form relaxed. Nothing like the terse way she’d been carrying herself over the last few months, shoulders stiff, brows always furrowed in anxiety, looking like a rabbit ready to dart away at the first sign of danger. It was obvious, now that he’d thought about it, in the way she hurriedly left after they pounded fists. Especially if he stuck around to flirt with someone. In the way she was extra fidgety and restless when the akumas were love-related. In the way she wouldn’t meet his eyes when he made punsor cracked about “busy nights.

Nino had been right. 

He was so, _so_ dense. 

And come tomorrow, he’d have to break her heart in two because while he still cared for her like that, he also cared for Marinette the same way. Marinette who _used_ to be in love with him.

He knew and it _hurt_. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the what-ifs, about what he could have had, about where they would have been. About what it would have been like if they were still together. Would they have been moving in together by now? Would he be coming home to her warm smiles and the tender warmth of her hugs? Her kisses? What if he had just _seen_ her at the right time? He would never know, he suppsosed, and it was just _easier_ to be angry at it all...

“At least _I_ didn’t reveal myself to anyone.” 

..Easier to be angry and bitter, than be sad and heartbroken.

“No,” agreed Plagg. “But you did hurt someone you care about. You _both_ did. And- _ugh_ Tikki! Take over, please!”

And with that, Plagg disappeared. Adrien blinked in confusion, processing what just happened before the red kwami appeared in his line of vision and hovered in front of him. Her blue gaze glowed in the dark and her lips were pursed shut as she studied him.

“You’re being unfair,” she said simply, as though it was a mere observation.

“She was _drunk,_ Tikki.”

“Tipsy.”

Adrien scoffed. “Whatever. It was still irresponsible of her.”

"It was," she agreed. "I tried stopping her, but she didn't listen. She was... Upset."

A part of him was piqued and worried, the part that knew that Ladybug was a responsible woman and couldn't help but twist in unease at what could possibly have upset her that much. Enough to lose sight of the fact that Paris needed her. But the part of him that had been hurt over and over again and was just absolutely sick of being the punching bag was at the steering wheel tonigh. 

"That's worse," he said pointedly. 

“Well, you going at it at it with different girls each time, _isn’t_ ?” she asked sharply. "Have you ever thought about how a small slip could have lead to your identity being revealed to a complete stranger?"

"Tikki! Cut the kid some slack!" hissed Plagg from wherever he was, as Adrien spoke at the same time. 

" _Please_. I'm not _that_ irresponsible _or_ careless." He nodded his head at Ladybug's sleeping form. 

Tikki pursed her lips. “She at least _knows_ Viperion. She trusts him.”

“Not as much as _me_ clearly,” he muttered. 

“You know that’s not true.”

“Actually, _no_. I _don’t_ know that, Tikki. Granted, he found out by accident. What other reason could she possibly have to _still_ not want to trust me with her identity?” Before Tikki could say anything, Adrien shook his head with a scoff. “Anyway, she can keep her reasons, I don't _care._ The point is she had no right to call me out on my... indiscretions. It’s not her business. Her showing up tipsy to a battle? _Definitely_ my business.”

Tiki's eyes glowed a brighter. “You hurt her.”

Plagg finally appeared, scowling at Tikki. "Well, she hurt my kitten!"

“Not on purpose!" replied Tikki defensively, training her glare at Plagg.

“And you’re saying _I_ did?” Adrien couldn’t help his indignant reaction as he glared at the kwami. 

The kwami was, however, unperturbed as she brought her gaze back to Adrien. “Didn’t you though? You’re saying you _weren’t_ trying to get a rise out of her?”

Adrien scowled, but didn’t reply. 

“Let me see, what was that you said, about sexual favours and “arrangements”, hm?” 

He flushed red with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean-”

“And what about when she gave you the clothes-”

“Okay, okay, alright. I- I get it.”

He remembered how it had felt like a dam had burst open before she had told him that she loved him in her fit of anger and dejection. Yes, he had been trying to provoke a reaction out of her, but it was not what he had been expecting. He had been trying not to think about how _he_ had been responsible for her blurted out brokenhearted confession, but as the anger was slowly draining out of him to be replaced with a sense of fatigue and want for it to _just be over,_ it was hard to forget. It was hard to forget the fear and exhaustion in her voice when she told him about the cancelled patrol. He'd seen the tear tracks on her face when he'd transformed briefly to catch the akuma, and the horror written on it. He knew his lady well enough to know that she was going to re-live this moment for months with immense guilt and fear of what could have happened if she had been akumatized. She would see it as a sign of weakness on her part, and beat herself up about it. He _knew_ that.

He deflated. “I’m sorry.”

Tikki gave him a sad smile. “It isn’t me you should be saying that to.”

Adrien’s gaze went back to the chaise lounge. She was now curled up on her side, head bowed and resting on her hand, tucked into the crook of her elbow. Tikki came up to hug his nose. 

“You both hurt each other, Adrien,” she said. “You didn’t mean to, but you did.”

He sniffled, expression crumbling. “I- I didn’t know. If I’d known, I would’ve never-”

“Oh, I know, Adrien,” Tikki cooed. “I know.”

She soothed him as he cried. “I- It’s been all kinds of messed up. I keep hurting everyone I love. I don’t mean to, but I _do_.”

He was usually so attuned to her and how she was feeling, but he had somehow missed it. Missed how he was hurting her, missed the pain behind her bite as he lost himself in his ways of coping with his jumbled up feelings. He had been _actively_ hurting her, she was only trying to protect herself and he didn’t even see it. And in doing so, she had not just shut herself _in_ but shut _him_ out, and so couldn't see what she was doing to him either. 

It was a mess.

“I’m sure that’s not true,” she said gently, at the same time Plagg found himself nestling in Adrien’s hair with a comforting purr.

“It _is_ Tikki,” he sniffed. “I hurt one of my best friends and I didn’t even realise it. She was in love with me, and I didn’t _know_ for _years._ And now she’s moved on, I have only myself to blame. And now... Now, Ladybug. And the worst part..." He swallowed thickly. "The worst part is that it's not even over. I’m going to have to talk to Ladybug and break her heart _even more_ because as much as I still love her, I-”

“Adrien, shh,” said Tikki, hugging his nose while her tiny nub rubbed across his cheek soothingly. “ _Talk_ to her. Tomorrow, okay? Things will work themselves out, you’ll see.”

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “She probably hates me now.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Tikki replied with a smile. 

“You both need to have a long chat,” said Plagg. “Enough with these secrets, kitten.”

Tikki sighed. “Some of this is my fault.”

“What?”

“When you were both… _younger_ , I stressed on the importance of secret identities a bit too much-”

“Sugarcube, _no_ ,” groaned Plagg.

She glared at him, but continued. “You were _kids_ , so I had to… Put _some_ fear in her, to make _sure_ she _got_ it, you know? I didn’t know Ladybug quite that well at first, but turns out she’s a worrier. I couldn’t never convince her otherwise.”

“And I bet Chat Blanc didn't help with that, didn't it?” Adrien sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I- I didn’t know it was something she still worried about.”

“She’s a worrier, Adrien,” repeated Tikki. “She’s… She’s never really let that go fully.”

Adrien’s throat dried up. “Is… Is that why she still….?”

He trailed away, but the look on Tikki’s face was answer enough. She was still haunted by the future she had seen; a future which she believed was caused by him finding out who she was. And he had thrown that in her face, in the most callous way by making it about her trust in him.

“I’ll make it up to her, I swear.”

“Oh, Adrien, this is not all on _you_ , I promise. If Ladybug was awake now, I'd be giving her a talking-to as well,” said Tikki, voice tender. “You both just… Got a little lost along the way. You’ll be fine, I promise.”

They’d forgotten how to be a team, that's what this was. It had taken some feelings and a few bad decisions, and they’d simply forgotten how to be a team. And no matter what label they chose for their relationship, no matter what they could _be_ to each other, she was still one of the most important people in his life. He didn’t know when and why they’d stopped communicating, but they did. Maybe it was their feelings - love, grief, heartbreak, resentment - that had created a wall between them, but it was _there_. Higher than it had ever been, higher than when they had first started out. 

And through his steadily dissipating fog of self-righteousness and hurt, he knew she felt the same. She loved him, and he was important to her. He would just have to remember that. 

“Thank you guys,” he said quietly, looking gratefully at Tikki and Plagg. "We'll talk tomorrow. All cards on table."

Tikki beamed at him before pressing a butterfly kiss on the tip of his nose and zipped away somewhere into the room. Plagg purred against him once more before following Tikki. 

Adrien quietly stood up, heading over to the chaise lounge where she lay. He brushed the hair out of her face, and _god_ he had missed her. His eyes filled with tears, and he sat down next to her, so her elbows were grazing his thighs and she was almost curled around him. 

He ran his fingers through her hair gently, his heart heavy with nostalgia, _before_ things got complicated. Worst part of it all, was things were okay not long ago. Sighing deeply, he pushed Ladybug gently to the side. He pulled his legs up, pushing them under hers, as he lay down next to her; he missed being able to do that.

“Mm?” Ladybug stirred, raising her head. “ _Chaton_?”

“Shhh,” he said soothingly, as he slid an arm under head and turned to face her. “I’m right here.”

“Y-You’re still here,” she said, blinking sleepily at him through her mask, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead. 

“Always,” he promised, pulling her closer, mindful of her injury, tucking her head under his chin. “Sleep, m’lady. I promise we’ll talk tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before some of you come at me, pls keep in mind this is his pov. apologies WILL be made on both ends in the next chapter.


	3. them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what the hell this is, i'm not too happy with the way this turned out but it is what it is :(

“M’lady?”

The voice was gentle, loving. And familiar. 

“M’lady, you need to wake up, the sun’s up.”

She snorted in her sleep. ‘The sun is up’. As if that had ever been reason enough to wake up. She curled herself into the warmth near her, sighing softly. “Two more minutes. Or hours.

A breathy chuckle of amusement. “Sorry, bug, but I’ll have to leave for work and we need to talk.”

Groaning, she forced herself to open her eyes, blinking against the golden light of the morning in annoyance. “I hate mornings.”

“You’ve mentioned. Several times.”

“S’not funny.”

When she finally came to, she was met with the sight of mirth behind spring fresh green eyes. 

“Chat!” she squeaked, scrambling off from where she’d been laying on top of him, and falling onto the floor with wide eyes.

“Mornin’, bug,” he said, sitting up on her chaise lounge and watching her warily. 

Heart beating out of her chest, she looked around frantically before realising she was de-transformed as she recalled what had happened last night. Her hands flew to her face, and she let out a sigh of relief when she felt the mask still intact. He was watching her patiently though and she stared back unsure of what to say or how to apologise, and what to even apologise for because she had no idea of where to start. 

“You’re still here.”

He tilted his head. “Of course, I am.”

She swallowed thickly. “Why?”

He looked away. “Because we need to talk.”

“Yeah, right. Of course,” she sighed. “I am sorry. I was out of line last night. It’s… It’s none of my business _at_ all who you do or don’t sleep with. We’re _partners_ with a _very_ high risk job and I wasn’t being professional and-”

She was interrupted by Chat sliding off her chaise lounge to kneel in front of her as he took her hands in his. 

“M’lady…”

She looked at him dumbly as he clasped her fingers and brought them into his lap, rubbing his thumbs soothing on the inside of her wrists. 

“I’m sorry, too,” he said quietly, and she frowned at him. 

“What, no, _why_ ?” she asked indignantly. “It’s on _me,_ Chat. It was _extremely_ irresponsible of me to show up drunk and I… I’m a _superhero_ , I can’t afford to do things like that. I- I- _have_ to remember that a whole _city_ is looking up to me to keep them _safe_.”

His grip on her hands tightened and she looked away with a sigh. 

“You were right, Chat. I do have a responsibility. As much as I wish I could just be… _Normal_ for once, lead a normal life, I _can’t._ ” She looked up at him with a watery smile. “I can’t protect Paris if I’m dead. Paris deserves better...” 

Her voice caught as she mulled over her own words. 

Maybe she wasn’t cut out to be Ladybug after all. Maybe as the Guardian, she had to make a tough decision and look at things _objectively_. If it had been someone else in her shoes, as Guardian, would she have allowed them to continue to wield the miraculous if they’d shown up drunk? Or if they picked a fight with someone from the team over who they were sleeping with? 

She let out her words in a breathless whisper. “And so do you...”

He watched as she withdrew one hand from his grasp to finger her earrings thoughtfully, and raised his brows. “If you even _think_ about giving up your miraculous to someone else-”

She startled, a shameful blush colouring her cheeks as she looked at him sheepishly. “You deserve better. A partner who will be more responsible, more level-headed, someone who isn’t…. _Righteous_ and hypocritical,” she finished, her voice small. 

His breath caught and he drew her onto his lap and into the tightest hug, nose buried in her neck as he held her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I was so angry-”

She was tense for a moment before relaxing and twined her hands around him. One hand found its way into his hair, while the other went up his back so she clutched his shoulder blade, nose tucked away into his collarbone. The position felt intimate - too intimate - but she didn’t dare bring his attention to that, and did her best to ignore the tremulous beating of her heart. 

“You weren’t wrong, though,” she sighed. “I was being selfish, and I’m sorry. You can f-fuck whomever you want, b-behind any chimney you’d like. I-I’ll set one up for you even, if you’d like. Because a good partner is supportive, _non-judgemental_ and plays the wingman when required and I swear, Chat, whoever you want, wherever you want, I _fully_ one _hundred percent_ support it and-”

He drew back from her, letting out an incredulous snort. “You’re rambling, buginette.”

“Sorry,” she squeaked, letting go of him so she could bury her flaming face in her hands.

Chuckling lightly, he pulled her hands away from her face. “Remember when you were made the guardian when we were fifteen?"

She laughed mirthlessly, as she climbed out of his lap to sit right next to him against the chaise they’d both been sleeping on. “I’ll never forget.” Then, with a snort, she added, “Till I have to give this up, that is.”

He smiled ruefully and nodded. “Remember what we talked about after that one akuma… the one caused by bac exams, I think?”

She frowned and tilted her head curiously in question. 

“You told me on patrol that you had started to hate being Ladybug,” he said quietly. “How she was overshadowing everything in your life.”

She slumped, hands fidgeting in her lap. “I remember. I’d gotten into a fight with my best friend. And I had to leave in the middle of it because of the akuma.” She sighed. “She didn’t talk to me for a week afterwards.”

“And you told me that… That as much of a superhero I am, there’s still a girl behind the mask, a very real and very human one, prone to making mistakes.” She snorted. “And you were right about that, weren’t you? Wise Kitty.”

He sighed and put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer. Her head fell against his shoulder. “I did say that,” he agreed, before continuing. “But I also said that _that girl_ should learn to forgive herself. That _because_ she is human, it’s okay to make mistakes sometimes.”

“But you… You were right! We all have lives outside, and they’re not all great! _You_ don’t show up drunk to battles, now do you?”

“No. “ He gave her a wistful smile, before shrugging in a resigned manner. “But I do sleep with civilians.”

“Oh.” Her voice was small. “O-Once again, it’s not my business and I shouldn’t have- I- It doesn’t matter that I-”

“There’s this girl…” he interrupted, careful not to look in her direction. “I’m in love with her, and I found out… Found out a little too late that she used to be in love with me and gave up before she moved on to our mutual friend.”

“I- I see.” 

Ladybug knew what this was. Her sweet kitty letting her down gently, without really spelling it out for her. She was grateful for it, she found, because she didn’t think she had the bandwidth for a flat out rejection. 

His eyes flickered over to her face, but she kept her expression carefully neutral. “For what it’s worth,” he sighed. “If it makes you feel better, I forgive you...”

She laughed waterily, sniffling as she wiped freshly forming tears. “Thank _god_ . I _hate_ it when you’re mad at me.”

He gave her a small smile, before turning serious. “...But _only_ if you forgive me as well.”

She rolled her eyes and bumped his shoulder with hers. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Chat. You called me out on being an idiot and-”

“I almost got you _akumatized_!” he snapped, making her flinch away from him. He turned to face her, legs crossed, a pained look on his face. “I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“It wasn’t your fault, kitty,” she muttered, laying a hesitant hand on his knee. 

He shook his head. “Yes it was. I purposely said really hurtful things,” he admitted, reluctantly raising his eyes to meet her wide ones. “I was… I don’t know _why_ but I was just trying to just _hurt_ you, I don’t know why or… I… Well, bottom line is you almost got _akumatized_ because I was being a douchebag.”

“Oh,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around her middle. “Well, what you said _was_ hurtful. I can’t believe you'd think that I… That I’d… With Lu- Viperion-” She scrambled for words because she couldn’t get the look of malice on his face out of her mind. She had known in that moment that he had _meant_ to hurt her. Having that affirmed was like dousing her wounds in salt. 

“M’lady, I did _not_ mean that,” he whispered. “I was _angry_ and I knew exactly what to say to… Just… Get a rise out of you.”

When she didn’t say anything, he continued. “I _swear_ I didn’t mean it. I know you. I had been upset about Viperion finding out for _weeks_ added to the stress from what I knew about the other girl…”

“You told me you didn’t care that Viperion found out,” she said quietly.

He let out a bitter laugh. “Well, I’m a good liar, m’lady. I could tell it was an accident, and I felt like I had no right to be mad, so I just-”

“-Didn’t tell me.” She sighed. "God, we need to get better with communicating with each other."

Chat agreed wholeheartedly.

“You know, the thing with Viperion. It doesn’t mean anything. To either of us.”

“So you said.”

“It’s true though,” she insisted. “We only started anything because were both in a bad place. His girlfriend had left without as much as a warning and I… Well, I found my heart torn over two people-”

“I hear you,” he snorted. 

“-And one of them has always, _always_ seen me as a friend. I’ve watched him date practically everyone we work with, but _me_ ,” she sighed. “I had resigned to the fact that we’ll always be friends but suddenly he seemed to look at me different and I worried about falling back into old patterns. Reading too much into stuff, like I’m prone to do. So I just… Hit up Viperion and…” she trailed away with a shrug. 

Chat Noir hummed, shaking his head before clearing his throat. “Well, the past is past now, I suppose. Clean slate?”

She nodded. “Clean slate.”

He paused thoughtfully, before his eyes widened and he looked at her. “Wait, pause.”

“Pause?”

“On the clean slate…”

She looked at him apprehensively. “Why-”

“I just need you to know that I still want to know who you are, that hasn’t changed and it won’t ever. You’re my person, LB. I’d love to have you in my life more routinely.” He said solemnly. “ _But_ I don’t want you to do it out of a sense of obligation. I want you to _want_ to tell me, you know? I’m your friend, first and foremost and I don’t need to be appeased.”

“But-”

He continued though, wiping the tears that had started to stream down her face. “I know you didn’t want Viperion to know either, but while that hurt like hell and I resented you for a while, I do _not_ hold it against you anymore. We’re friends, and first to know or not, I _want_ it to be a mutual choice between us. No accidents, no pressure to do it. Just because we want to.”

“Okay,” she sniffled. “I swear, I _want_ to tell you but I’m scared.”

He nodded, promising himself that they would talk about _that_ another time. “I understand. Whenever you’re ready, LB.”

“Thank you, Chat Noir,” she said with a soft smile. “You’re the best.”

He snorted. “Beg to differ. The you from last night would disagree-”

“Well, clean slate starts _now_ then!” she said indignantly. “We’ve both forgiven each other haven’t we! Clean slate!”

“Clean slate!” 

He laughed, feeling lighter than he had in a long time. They sat quietly in the comfortable silence, something they hadn’t experienced between the two of them in a long time, basking in each other’s presence, till the clock on Ladybug’s wall struck eight.

“Well, LB, I have to take your leave now,” he said reluctantly, starting to stand up. “I promised a friend I’ll help unpack at her new apartment.”

She took his offered hand and stood up as well, looking over her shoulder at the clock. “Oh _shoot_ , I’m expecting people over too.”

“Well, I’ll see you on patrol tomorrow evening, m’lady!” he said. “Plagg, claws out!”

She watched him climb up the window sill before shooting her a salute and a wink. “M’lady.”

“Chat Noir.”

Just as he was about to hop out, she called out, “ _Hey_ , my friend’s pajamas!”

He laughed as he catapulted away on his baton. “I’ll have them freshly laundered and return them tomorrow, m’ladybug!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there. the reason i didn't have them reveal their identities was this fic felt like it was about ONE issue, and i didn't want to tack on something else without resolving it fully and thoroughly first. i will write an identity reveal for this, but as a separate story/one shot. and before you ask, no chat noir did not notice the fit or familiarity of the pajamas... _yet_. as for the apartment... i feel like i should clarify that this is marinette's _new_ apartment and adrien hasn't been - once again - _yet_. 
> 
> so there. thoughts??? [ only tell me if there's something nice to say i'm too fragile right now :P ]

**Author's Note:**

> send asks or questions about this fic - quite possibly you have many or maybe not idk i don't wanna be presumptuous lmfao - or anything mlb and i'll be happy to discuss! :D - [activechataclysme.](https://activechataclysme.tumblr.com/)


End file.
